Friday, August 21, 2009

By God's Grace

我靠着那加给我力量的,凡事都能做!
I can do all things through Christ which strengthenth me.
Philippians 4:5
This has been the verse I hold on to when I was going to give birth.... During confinement, I was lost and I forgot about the true meaning of this verse though I keep telling myself I am relying on God.... This verse came to my mind very strongly today and I muz say I'm feeling much better le after weeks of weak mind and self torment!
I'm going to get better and with God's strength, Jesus's love and Holy spirit's guidance, I'll pass the trial, MOULD ME OH LORD ALMIGHTY!!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

My first month with Baby Chloe is driving me crazy!!!



I nv understand why pple go into post natal depression but now I understand why... The pregnancy period, the waiting near due date and the actual birth process are all bearable moments.... but the confinement one month is driving me crazy.....




I'm actually feeling down most of the days for the past few weeks...




First... is due to BB being sleepless @ night... when she come back for the first night, we went sleepless from 11 plus all the way to 6 plus.... and the sleepless nights went on.




Second... When I slowly adapt to BB's sleeping pattern, I began to worry about my milk supply... My milk supply hasnt been alot and what my parents kept saying does not help... It make me worse.... And the worry about milk supply still continues till now... I know I'll always have formula milk to fall back on in case anything happen to breastfeeding but I'm juz very earnestly wanted to BF... anyway, when I'm down, I'm half-hearted... I really feel like giving up.... I when to see the lactation consultant yesterday... @ there everything was fine, BB seems to latch on well.... But when I come back... things seems to go back to original again...... :(




Third.... Being a mother for the first time was not easy... I'm frankly speaking very lost so whatever my well-hearted relatives and friends say, I'll accept... This put me in a even more depressed mood becos I'm stressed out and kept thinking.




I'm so vexed over many things and in fact I'm juz so lost.... and I feel no peace @ all... Everyone kept asking me to rest.... but I'm juz not sure how to with so many things pressuring me... I'll try and I would say I rest more this week as compared to the past 3 weeks...




Will completing the confinement month means I'll be less stressed? Im not sure.... I know all these thoughts are driving me towards post-natal depression but I'm clearly telling myself I'll not go into depression.... @ least i'll not worsen my condition.....




Everything seems so haywired but I'll continue to have faith in God for He is my only strength in whom I can trust, He is my fortress, He is my delieverer, my shield and my rock of salvation.




I'll juz keep praying to Him and I know I'll be fine =)




After all, seeing BB's face it will be worth it all!



My precious Darling will be the force to keep me going and with God's grace, I'll survive...


Tuesday, August 11, 2009


Introducing Little Princess Chloe




Our First Family Photo.......







The Hospital Episode 28/07/09 - 31/07/09

Time for me to catch up with some blogging. Eversince I'm discharged from hospital, I have been wanting to blog but was so tight down with taking care of bb chloe. Will try to catch up with back-dated post as fast as I can.

On 28/07/2009 Tuesday, our little precious made her grand entrance @ Mt Alvernia @ 0829, weighing 3.405kg with length of 51cm. Prior to tat day, on Mon, we went back to see Elder Lim since there is still no signal from bb chloe. On Mon, as advised by Elder Lim, caeserean is the best option..... so on Tue @ 6am we arrived @ Mt A getting ready to go for the op.

First the admin office, then the St Rapheal's ward that i'll be staying..... after injection, anema, shaving etc..... I'm all ready to be pushed into the OT....

There is mixed feelings... on one hand, I chose epidural wanting to be aware of the whole process.... on the other hand, as I'm in the OT, fear overcomes me. I kept praying for strength n for my fear to be taken away.

In the OT b4 the start of the caeserean, the wait was long. I was being taken care of by Dr Ma, my anethesist. He prepares for my drips, my epidural.... and he helps to push my bb during the ops.

During the wait.... all I remember was Dr Ma saying curl like a prawn so that he can inject the epidural.....

@ 820, Elder Lim, as usual, made his entrance by whistling in..... and within seconds, Pat was in and @ 829 bb was out. Everything happened so fast.... when I first bb's cries, I was still wondering.... Is this my bb??? haha..... well bb oni cried for a little while and within mins, she's on my chest..... subsequently, the side effects all set in..... I'm starting to feel nauseous, cold and my left hand on drip was painful. In the recovery area, naseousness continues and when I go into tge ward, I'm shivering with cold...... It is only @ 11am that I recover and start to breastfeed.

During the first two days, breastfeeding was difficult as my wound doesn't allows me to move much. As a result, I got sore nipples with bleeding perhaps due to poor latch on. I muz say chloe is clever as she is able to suckle well @ the first feed.

@ the hospital, rest was little as I was unable to zzz... On day 2 when Elder Lim said I may be able to discharge I was so delighted.... hoping and waiting for his day 3 morning visit.... On day 2 night, the pain when I first came out of the bed was the pain I'll nv forget. I can hardly breathe or stand up straight! I'll remember the pain for the rest of my life.... tat is like the worst pain ever....

On day 3, as I have hoped for, I could discharge! Praise the Lord.... But later on, bad news came and bb was down with slight jaundice and was not able to be discharged! =( I cried feeling sad that bb cannot be discharged with me and hence I decided to stay for one more day.

On day 4, we waited earnestly for the blood test result, have oredi decided to be discharged even if bb needs to stay.... I was praying and praying, in the hope that bb will be discharged as well......

And praise the Lord, bb will be discharging as well!!! Amen!

Tats all for the hospital episode... will blog on bb's happenings @ home in the nxt post!